I've never been much of a girl. Oh, I'm quite the woman, and I'm rather womanly in all sorts of ways, but I'm just not "girly", never have been. I'm more so these days, I actually wear makeup from time to time, and pick my clothes to match (will wonders never cease!)... but it's hard to keep up with that stuff chasing a Bundle, so it isn't something I'm too into. I've always figured that if someone was going to like me they were going to like me unshaved legs, no makeup, wild hair and all... lo and behold, they have so no worries.
Sadly there are a lot of women out there who proseltyize makeup like the most ferverent religious fanatic. I've been chastized by friends for not wearing makeup, not wearing matching underwear & bras (that stuff *matches*??? Wow), as well as not being thin and a variety of other female sins. I've been looked at with shock and horror because I "managed to get a man" looking like I do. I'm fairly used to it, but it still amuses me to no end.
My favorite incident in this vein came in a Wal Mart in my hometown, a small Southern Missouri town. It's late at night. I'm tired and ill, and at this point I probably haven't brushed my long hair in quite a while. Sweatshirt, comfy pants, sandals... you get the picture. Not exactly dolled up to shop for groceries, or whatever I was there for. Around the corner whirls a woman. She was probably in her mid 20's, early 30's. She was wearing foundation WAY lighter than her skin tone, dramatic blues and greens on her eyes, plucked brows drawn in black, heavy mascara, blush way brighter and more vivid than she should have been wearing. She was in a really fancy black lacy dress, hose, heels... far too dolled up to be shopping at Wally World.
As she bustled by me, she stopped stock still. I walked on, and heard her hurrying up behind me. She got my attention saying (in far too thick a Southern accent for my hometown) "HONEY! Oh, HONEY!" As she came close she said "Honey, I sell Mary Kay*..."
I can be brutal, and I think I made this woman cry. I feel bad for it now, but at the time I felt vindicated. "Lady," I said. "I know I'm fat and ugly, but that doesn't give you the right to run up to me in Wal Mart to try to get me to turn pretty."
Not one of my finer days, but then again? Not one of hers.
*for those who might not know, Mary Kay is an old style cosmetic company, one that's been the staple of many southern Missouri ladies for generations.
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